Nothing
by Mipichi
Summary: Ever since Kaoru had to go through a surgery, nothing major, Hikaru has to deal with dark thoughts and violent images running through his head. It drives him completely insane and makes him disgusted about himself. Fortunately, Mori will be here to convince Hikaru that he hasn't done anything wrong. (MoriXHikaru) One-shot. Angsty I guess... Warning, OCD!Hikaru


**Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran.**

 **Warning: The characters might be OOC, this story is a boy x boy story so if you don't like it, don't read. Hikaru also suffers from Harm Obsessions in this story. I won't go into details because there are people, including me, who suffer from it and one of my goals is to make these people feel better, not to remind them of how bad it is to have these, these fears are hard to explain, I tried to be the clearest possible, but just so that everyone gets it, in this story Hikaru isn't evil or a killer, he's afraid. And I know it's not the same for everyone but I described his fear with my personal experience.  
**

 **I'll also advise for those who didn't read the manga to do it, there are things that are completely canon compliant.**

 **There are some unrealistic moments but...It's fanfiction XD**

 **I also want to dedicate this one-shot to my awesome friend Izzyboopers, before known as RPG Girl here, she has been extremely nice to me and she encouraged me to write this, thank you Izzyboopers! :D**

 **I hope you'll enjoy it :)**

* * *

It all had begun when, one day, Kaoru started complaining about hurting while sitting. The Host Club was open for business.

"Welcome, ladies!~"

This day, there were no special costumes, it was only the Host Club members wearing the Ouran uniform.

"Ow!" Kaoru exclaimed involuntary as he sat down on the couch next to Hikaru.

"Are you okay Kaoru?" Hikaru asked his twin, looking at him concerned. The younger twin winced as he tried to find a more comfortable sitting position.

"Just...it hurts down my back..." He replied, earning a grin from his older twin.

"Oh...That must be because of what we did last night~" Hikaru said seductively in Kaoru's ear. He whispered it loud enough for their customers to hear what he said.

Even though Kaoru wasn't _actually_ faking his pain, he decided to play along and, with his thumb on his lower lip, like always, he tried to look embarrassed.

"H-Hikaru! You're embarrassing me!" He whined, blushing a bit as Hikaru brought their faces closer with his hands on his cheeks.

"Was I really _this_ rough last night? I'm sorry, Kaoru..." The older twin said, fighting giggles back. Their brotherly love act was just too funny, especially for Hikaru, since he got to tease his brother.

"Oh...Hikaru I forgive you...L-Last night was...p-perfect..." Kaoru answered looking at him with teary eyes.

And as always, the customers ended up squealing happily. Unfortunately for them, the Host Club had to be closed just after.

The twins were still sitting on the couch and soon, everyone joined them.

Ever since Haruhi was a part of the Host club they had done this; staying together a little bit more after their club's hours to have a little 'family-bonding' time. Obviously, it had been _Tamaki's_ idea.

All they've really done was talking with each other.

Kyouya was typing something on his laptop, as always. Tamaki was trying to show Haruhi how amazing it was to be here and to have a good time with her 'family'. Hani was eating cake and talking with Mori who only answered by nodding or grunting.

Which was unusual was that both twins weren't trying to pull pranks on Haruhi or the Host Club's King, the Hitachiin brothers seemed to be mentally busy by something else than their time with the club.

Hikaru was staring at the silent type, without even realizing it. Everyone knew why, except Mori.

The older Hitachiin had developped feelings for his senpai recently.

* * *

 _One evening, Hikaru had decided to walk Haruhi home. They didn't really talk as much as the ginger would've wanted but, he was happy he got to walk her home and spend time with her alone._

 _"Thank you, Hikaru. See you tomorrow!" Haruhi waved to say goodbye to her friend, smiling slightly. She didn't understand really why Hikaru wanted to walk her home but it was nice of him to do something other than bothering her and pranking her._

 _"See you tomorrow!~" Hikaru waved back, smirking mischievously._

 _He had decided to go back home by walking across the street instead of calling a driver._

 _But, before he could have even react, someone had grabbed his arm roughly. He hissed in horror as he turned his head to see three men._

 _They were obviously older than him, they looked a lot stronger and they didn't seem to be very nice at all. The men smirked evilly, looking at him._

" _Hey, who is that cute girl you were chatting with?" the one who was holding his arm asked._

 _Hikaru was completely numb and frightened. But he managed to answer._

" _It's none of your business! S-Stay away from her!" His reply was obviously filled with fear, though._

 _The three men chuckled creepily as Hikaru tried to escape their strong grip on him. They scared him so much he had begun screaming for help, swallowing his pride._

" _Leave him alone." A deep voice could be heard behind them. Hikaru gasped in relief as he recognized Mori-senpai's voice._

 _The strangers turned their heads just to find themselves on the ground, completely bruised._

" _M-Mori-senpai... Thank you..." Hikaru said, smiling shyly at his senpai, relieved he had been saved. Mori smiled gently at him and patted his head, making the younger male blush softly._

 _'I'm so glad he was here... I feel so safe now...' Hikaru said to himself as he smiled back to the tall silent type._

 _Then, Mori had decided to walk Hikaru home, before going back to his house as well. The ginger had even taken the older male's hand in his._

 _After this incident, Hikaru had gone back home knowing he was in love._

* * *

Going back to reality now, both twins weren't acting as they usually did. The older twin was staring at the one he loved, being completely oblivious to himself and his beloved yet totally obvious to everyone else in the third music room.

He was sure he had been in love with Mori ever since they began getting closer; not only was Mori his senpai but he was also his councilor. Maybe it was when his feelings for the older boy had changed.

There were some disadvantages from being in love with him though. Hikaru couldn't help himself but feel jealous of his senpai's cousin. The older twin would love to feel what it would be like to be held by the legs on Mori's shoulders.

Hikaru was still staring at the black haired guy intensely. Everyone else couldn't believe it but Mori didn't seem to notice the ginger's stare.

The younger twin was apparently dealing with another problem.

Kaoru couldn't help but slightly scratch his lower back over his uniform.

Eventually, Haruhi noticed her best friend didn't look very fine.

"Kaoru? Are you alright?" She asked, making the said boy hiss in surprise and, shortly after, groan loudly in pain.

"Kaoru! What's wrong!?" Hikaru finally snapped out of his thoughts and hurried over to his twin, very worried.

"I-it's nothing..." The younger twin replied, trying to reassure his brother. But, unsurprisingly, Hikaru didn't buy it.

"It hurts down your back, right?" Hikaru sneaked his hand under Kaoru's uniform, making the latter scream in shock. It was the older brother's turn to scream when he felt a small bulge down his twin's back.

"WE ARE GOING TO THE HOSPITAL!"

* * *

"A what?" both twins asked the doctor they were consulting. It seemed like as soon as Hikaru had said they had to go to the hospital, they actually got in it. The doctor had checked Kaoru's back and said something the twins couldn't make out.

"A pilonidal cyst, or pilonidal sinus. This is what Mr Hitachiin is currently suffering from." The man replied, pushing up his glasses. Hikaru's eyes widened.

"Is it dangerous!?" He exclaimed, starting to freak out.

"No it isn't, don't worry. But it can really be a bother in everyday's life. And it can get dangerous if it gets infected, though. Thankfully, your brother's cyst isn't infected, yet. Thus, I'll recommend having to go through surgery in the next few days to remove it." The last sentence made both brothers jump out of their chair.

"WHAT!?" Hikaru exclaimed, not realizing he wasn't being very civilized. Kaoru elbowed him.

"Doctor...Aren't there other ways to remove the cyst?" He asked, slightly scared because if there weren't other ways, it would be his first surgery and it was frightening.

"Unfortunately, there aren't." The doctor replied, sighing. "The sooner will be the better, since the scar can take a very long time to heal. I'm sorry but we can't risk to have your wound getting infected. You can even have your surgery tomorrow, it's up to you. " He added.

"I see..." Kaoru said, nodding his head. "Tomorrow is perfect, sir."

* * *

Hikaru couldn't believe his brother had to go through surgery. He had actually cried a lot more than Kaoru did, even though he wasn't the wounded one.

He was so scared because his twin would be under general anesthesia, making him sleep deeply. Hikaru knew there could be a chance that his brother wouldn't wake up, even if it was very rare. Yet, he couldn't stop anticipating and thinking his baby twin would never wake up. And, unfortunately, his friends, who came to cheer him up, while Kaoru was in the operating room, didn't find a way to do so.

They were all sitting in a couch, waiting in the patient's room. There was a very tense silence, making Hikaru even more nervous.

'What if he doesn't wake up?! I don't want him to die!' Hikaru thought, being completely anxious, even though the surgery wasn't major.

Suddenly, he felt the need to repeat himself.

'I don't want Kaoru to die. I don't want Kaoru to die. I don't want Kaoru to die. I don't want Kaoru to die. I don't want Kaoru to die!' Repeating himself, even in his own thoughts, wore him out, making him think otherwise.

'I want Kaoru to die.'

Hikaru's eyes widened quickly as he stood up, startling everyone around him.

"Hikaru?" Tamaki asked, looking up at his friend.

"I-I need to go to the bathroom." He replied before running towards the bathroom.

'I want Kaoru to die, and if he doesn't die because of his surgery, then I'll have to kill him, myself.'

Hikaru became terrified by his own thoughts, he was sure it wasn't a voice. He was thinking it. He began crying and sat on the floor, hugging his knees to his chest and not being able to go to the bathroom.

'It's not possible! I love Kaoru! I would never want to kill him!' He thought, feeling like he was going insane. He cried even more as another thought made its way to his mind.

'Of course I want Kaoru dead.' Hikaru could practically feel an evil smirk forming on his face. Little did he know was that he actually didn't smirk. Hikaru was crying, definitely not smirking.

Yet, Hikaru didn't realize it and began blaming himself.

"I'm a monster! I'm evil! Why was I not born a good human being!?" He exclaimed between whimpers.

He could feel a horribly tight knot formed in his stomach.

The more dark thoughts he had the tighter the knot became. He began feeling dizzy and he couldn't really breathe anymore. He also felt like all his body heat had gone to his head, making him feel completely numb and out of breath.

Fortunately, a nurse had come by and saw him on the floor. She hurried over to him, leaving what she was carrying behind.

"Sir, are you alright?" The woman asked, even though she obviously knew the answer. And when Hikaru looked up at her, paler than he had ever been before, she knew what the boy was experiencing.

"Sir, it's alright...take your time to breathe..." She said calmy, caressing the ginger's head.

Unfortunately, Hikaru didn't think it was alright at all.

'I'm thinking about killing my brother, it's not alright!' He thought as he felt his eyes slowly closing, his vision blurred. He was out cold.

* * *

The surgery went totally fine, the only problem for Kaoru would be that he couldn't stay seated for long and he couldn't sleep on his back until the scar would heal.

Hikaru managed to hide what happened to himself to Kaoru, thus he wouldn't be worried but the younger twin could see something was off.

He decided to shrug it off, leaving his brother at peace, as they headed back home, in the limo, of course.

* * *

Three weeks later, Kaoru could sit normally, without being in pain, even if his scar was clearly not completely healed yet. He still couldn't sleep on his back, though.

But his real problem was his twin brother.

Hikaru hadn't been as close to him as he naturally was. There were times when Hikaru would stay in one of their bathrooms for hours doing something he didn't know about.

He also was a lot less lively and mischievous, it worried Kaoru a lot. But every time the latter would want to approach his brother, the said boy would manage to find a way to avoid him. It was painful, but, Hikaru mentally claimed he had his reasons.

The older twin thought his dark thoughts would go away after waking up from his unconscious moment, but they actually didn't leave him alone a tiny bit.

He felt horrible for even thinking of killing Kaoru, he was disgusted by himself. So much that there were days he couldn't eat.

Therefore, he had tried to avoid his little brother for the past few weeks, he spent most of his days in his bed trying to get rid of his thoughts, thinking they weren't logical. He would go to the bathroom to make himself throw up when the fear of wanting to kill Kaoru would become too much.

He felt pathetic and weak but he didn't care, the only thing he wanted was to protect his brother from him.

The only time they were together was when they were sleeping, or more clearly, when Kaoru was sleeping.

Hikaru's thoughts kept him up all night and being so close to his brother was making it worse, because he didn't want to kill his brother.

He knew his fear wasn't making any sense, but he couldn't help it. He felt crazy, evil, filthy and violent.

This night as well, Kaoru was fast asleep, facing Hikaru.

And just like every night, Hikaru was bombarded by images and thoughts of him killing his brother in any way possible.

There wasn't a day where he wouldn't cry because of what he was going through.

'I should die... I want to die, I can't live like this anymore! If I die, then I wouldn't have to worry about wanting to kill Kaoru... He would be safe without me...' He thought as an image popped in his head of him strangling his brother.

He quickly jumped out of their bed, having had enough of this. He just went out, in his pajamas, leaving the mansion, before walking across the street.

Hikaru was extremely tired, he felt dizzy all the time, sometimes he could barely stand up and this time was one of them.

"At least, if I die now, Kaoru will be safe..." He whispered as he began crying, still walking towards nowhere.

He didn't know where he was anymore, but he barely cared because he didn't want to live as a soon to be criminal anymore.

"Hikaru."

This made the said boy hiss in surprise as he turned his head to see Mori in front of him.

"M-Mori-senpai!? Why are you here?" Hikaru said between whimpers, blushing as he stared at the one he loved.

The taller boy stared at Hikaru intensely before replying, making the ginger's face redden.

"You're in front of my house." Mori said, he could see his friend was not doing fine; tears were noticeable on his pink cheeks, even in the darkness of the night.

"I-I..." Hikaru tried to respond but everything went dark, he couldn't see or hear anything.

No wonder he would pass out, with all the sleepless nights he had. Little did he know was that he collapsed in his crush's strong arms.

* * *

He woke up shortly after, finding himself in a room he had already seen before. He also felt he was laying down on a mattress.

The meditation room.

But what was he doing at Mori's?

His eyes widened a bit as he remembered himself walking down the street in the night, he didn't know exactly if he did this because he wanted to protect his brother or because he wanted to die. Maybe a little of both.

The noise of the door's opening startled him a bit, he turned his head, while still laying on the mattress, to see the black haired senior entering the room, surely to check up on his friend.

"Mori-senpai..." Hikaru didn't know what to say, he had been many times in this situation, being in Mori's meditation room, but this time was different for him, he was flustered and tired.

His blush became more visible when the silent type put his hand on Hikaru's forehead.

"What's wrong?" Mori asked calmly, implicitly telling Hikaru that he was safe with him.

The ginger felt so touched by the gesture that he began crying, the dark thoughts coming back.

"Hikaru." The older's voice was firm, he needed to know why his friend was suffering.

Mori didn't have to ask why Hikaru was walking down the street, during sleep time, in the darkness, because seeing the twin crying before passing out could only mean that the boy was going through a difficult moment.

Hikaru was so ashamed of his thoughts about killing his brother, but, having to hide everything that was going through his mind to everyone was extremely hard and he needed to tell someone.

"I-I...was scared...of losing Kaoru...during the surgery..." He began telling Mori everything.

The latter decided to lay down next to him; Hikaru's voice was so soft and filled with fright that he was having problem hearing it, thus he needed to be closer. He also wanted to make sure Hikaru would feel secure.

The younger was blushing but kept on talking as he saw his friend nodding his head.

"And...then, a thought in my head said that...I-I wanted Kaoru to d-die...that...I-I wanted to kill him..." He cried more as he told that part of the story, it was the most painful part.

"B-But I don't want to do that! Yet this damn thought never l-leaves me alone!" He hid his face in his hands as he cried out. Mori watched his friend suffer with a sad and concerned look on his face. He didn't really understand Hikaru's fear, but seeing him like this was saddening and he'd do his best to make it stop for the twin.

"I-I'm a monster! I can't believe I think of that! I don't want to be like this, w-what have I done!?" The freshman had unconsciously positioned his head on the senior's shoulder. That was when Mori had found out what Hikaru was experiencing, but he decided to let him calm down.

Hikaru cried for a long time, holding on Mori like his life depended on him. He was so scared of himself and he didn't feel relieved from telling his friend what made him suffer.

Eventually, he calmed down a little and pulled away from Mori. He was about to apologize to him, because his shirt was wet because of his tears, but before he could even form the words he felt Mori taking one of his hands in his and squeezed it to catch his attention, which was a success.

Hikaru turned red and looked up shyly at Mori.

" _Nothing_." The silent type stated simply, making Hikaru tilt his head in frightened confusion.

"You've done _nothing_ , Hikaru." Mori repeated himself more clearly, earning a look of shock on Hikaru's face.

The older boy just smiled at him gently and patted his head with his unoccupied hand.

Hikaru slowly returned the smile as he realized his senpai was right.

Both boys had stayed like this on the mattress, holding hands, fingers intertwined. Hikaru had talked to Mori about his fear and even asked questions which were running through his head ever since his fear came up. The senior answered every questions calmly to reassure Hikaru.

They stayed like this, talking, until Hikaru finally found sleep again; it was about 6 o'clock in the morning then.

* * *

Hikaru woke up, finding himself alone in the mattress.

'Where is Mori-senpai?' He asked himself, but his question was quickly answered as he saw Mori, wearing a pink apron, holding a meal in a plate. Hikaru wanted to laugh at the image in front of him but he didn't, not having the time to do so as the senior handed him the recently cooked meal.

"Here, baby." Mori said seductively, making Hikaru internally explode and let the plate fall. Thankfully, it apparently didn't waste anything.

"M-Mori-senpai!?" The ginger asked utterly shocked. Unfortunately for his pride, Mori answered by winking at him, making him go crazy.

Hikaru got up immediately and began running out of the meditation room, being scared of Mori's attitude.

What he didn't expect was to find Honey _and_ Kaoru in the living room. Honey was eating cake while Kaoru was sitting next to him.

"Hika-chan! You're finally awake!~" Honey cheered before swallowing another slice of cake.

"Eh? What time is it?" Hikaru asked tilting his head. Kaoru smiled at him, ignoring the fact that his twin kind of left him sleeping alone last night.

"It doesn't really matter, everyone could tell you were exhausted these past few weeks. It's two o'clock in the afternoon." The younger twin replied before adding "I woke up at eight in the morning and was worried because you weren't here, but Honey-senpai told me you were here. Thus, we both came to Mori's house and decided all three to wait for you to wake up."

"Takashi has prepared you something to eat!~" Honey added happily. "I told him to go back to sleep though, he seemed tired, he has been awake since 9 a.m!"

"Hikaru, my little kitten, where are you? You didn't eat your meal." Mori's deep voice was getting closer and closer, making Hikaru blush deeply.

Eventually, Mori managed to find the 'little kitten' in his living room. He smiled seductively.

"So, you were here." Mori was holding the plate filled with pasta covered by a spicy sauce, something Hikaru liked a lot.

The latter couldn't believe his senpai had just called him 'his little kitten', it was so embarrassing.

The foor teenagers were sitting on couches, Mori was trying to feed Hikaru, while Kaoru and Honey were giggling at them.

"Uh-oh Hikaru, you have some sauce on your chin." Mori licked softly the sauce making Hikaru hiss in shock. He tried to pull away from the other, but Mori was stronger than him, making his attempt fail.

"M-Mori-senpai! Stop this! You're getting scary!" Hikaru exclaimed, almost on the verge of crying. Although he loved the fact that Mori was flirting with him (even though he didn't know why), if the senior would become that scary, it would be impossible for him to rely on him when his dark thoughts would come back.

Honey decided to finally help the older twin. His cousin, for some reason, always acted flirty when he had less sleep than usual.

"Takashi! Go back to sleep!" He ordered with a serious look plastered on his face.

Mori immediately obliged after pulling away from Hikaru and went back to his bedroom.

* * *

Even though Mori was now fast asleep, Hikaru couldn't help but think about him. Now was his chance to tell Kaoru what made him suffer these past few weeks. It was one of the silent type's advices to get better.

"Uh...Honey-senpai? Can I talk to Kaoru in private please?" Hikaru asked nervously scratching his head. He was extremely scared of what could be his brother's reaction.

"Of course, Hika-chan! Tell me when I am allowed to come back!~" Honey said, leaving the living room and closed the door.

Kaoru eyed his brother in confusion.

"So...What's the matter?" The younger twin asked, wanting to know what was going through Hikaru's head recently.

Hikaru eventually told him everything, his fears, his dark thoughts, his reason for leaving last night and what Mori told him. This made Kaoru smile sadly at his brother.

"Hikaru... Just like Mori-senpai said... You've done _nothing_. You're the one hurting... It happens to me too, you know? Having thoughts like those can happen to anyone, this doesn't mean we want to do what we think...Unfortunately, in your case, you just read too much into it, because you love me." The younger twin caressed his brother's hair.

"I love you Kaoru..." Hikaru tried to choke back a cry but failed.

"It's alright Hikaru. Let it all out, I love you too..." Kaoru hugged his brother tightly as he cried, relieved that his twin didn't react badly to his dark thoughts.

* * *

When Hikaru calmed down, they pulled away a little.

"Was that it? Or do you have something else to say?" Kaoru asked gently, but his brother shook his head, meaning this was it.

"I think Honey-senpai can come back then!" The younger twin said, earning a nod from his brother.

Kaoru decided to go search for Honey while Hikaru secretly decided to check up on Mori.

He slowly opened the door of his senpai's room, he couldn't help it even if it wasn't very polite to do so.

"Hm?" A grunt coming from before him made him slightly jump in surprise.

'Damn, Mori-senpai's awake!' He thought, trying to come up with an excuse as an answer for Mori's expected question: ' _What are you doing in my room?_ '.

"Uh...hi..." Hikaru got closer to his councilor nervously.

"...Hi..." Mori answered bluntly.

"I wanted to say...thank you for...everything you've done for me..." Hikaru said as Mori raised an eyebrow.

"Thanks to everything you've done...I-I have come to realize that...I'm in love with you Mori-senpai..." Hikaru finally confessed, smiling, happy to get this out of his chest.

Mori didn't answer yet, probably trying to assimilate the information and confession.

"I'm sorry! Maybe I-" Hikaru didn't have the time to finish his sentence because he was almost thrown on Mori's bed. The ginger turned red as he could see his beloved on top of him. "I love you too, Hikaru." This made the said boy smile brightly.

Then he felt Mori's lips on his. He couldn't believe this was happening, he felt so safe, his dark thoughts seemed like they were completely disappearing. He returned his senpai's kiss and deepened it a bit. The kiss was loving and gentle as for the two boys to enjoy each other without doing anything rushed.

After a moment, Mori pulled away from Hikaru and slightly smirked at him.

"Stop apologizing." He said, caressing the ginger's cheek.

Hikaru didn't get it until Mori spoke again.

" _You've done nothing wrong._ "

* * *

 **I know Hikaru cries a lot in this, but everyone has their moments of weakness, this OS is just showing one of his.**

 **What Kaoru has is something I had too, I know it's annoying but I think it's easier to write something with personal experience than to write something we don't know a thing about. It makes the character's experience more realistic, in a way. XD**

 **I hope you enjoyed reading it, I'm sorry if there are mistakes and if there are still unclear things, ask me :) Oh and...no flame please**

 **Thanks for reading!**


End file.
